Sorry, This Isn’t the Happiest Piece of Writing

This isn’t a post where you’ll finish with a smile. This post doesn’t have a heartfelt lesson or any inspiration behind it. Next month, maybe I’ll write something with a positive conclusion or a lesson learned throughout the tough times.

What about a post with a fun new recipe that I’ll never make, or a pretty photo series of my friends? Maybe I’ll publish one of those.

Today though, this is not that type of piece.

Today I choose to write how I feel. I feel confused, sad, mad – so, so mad. I feel very anxious about the future.

You turn on the news and see negative story after negative story, and you hope that your own personal network will be immune to that heartbreak and tragedy.

And then you experience it.

It’s funny – my friends and I grew up on TV dramas. We thought it was so crazy how dramatic those teenage lives were. One Tree Hill, anyone? And yet without even realizing it, the moments that occurred on TV – the heartbreak and tragedy I mentioned – they happened to us.

This isn’t a pity party. I’m not looking for sympathy here. I know as well as the next person that every single person you come across in your life has something they have been through.

And I hope each person finds their way through that something.

Between the accidents, the diagnoses, the prognoses, the horrific acts of violence, it isn’t easy to constantly read about these stories – or to experience them for ourselves – and simply move on from them with a smile on our faces just because we’re trying to look on the bright side.

I know I have a good life ahead of me. I do have faith in that. One that I hope to enjoy to the fullest whenever the time comes to do so. But even while I know my life is full of opportunity, I can’t help but think about the sad moments too. The moments that make moving forward feel so unattainable.

I guess what I hope to convey through this post is that some days it’s not easy to stay positive. Sometimes you need to be sad. You need to be angry. You need to feel your emotions. You need to talk about how disturbing the news and life and society can be – and how it impacts you.

And I hope that you too have a support system you trust to guide you through these emotions.

On another day, I’ll feel optimistic about life again, and I hope to share a little faith and positivity in an upcoming post. Because with the right people around us, I do believe we’re able to continue living, feeling, and accepting the curveballs we’re thrown.

Today though? I just can’t publish those words.

-Rachel

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